Tuesday, June 14, 2005

That's All, Folks.

Our pet shark died today. Finally. We've had it over 5 years. It was almost a foot long. And it was the most idiotic creature ever. It would "play dead", floating vertically or even belly up, and when you'd open the tank to scoop it out it would leap up and them swim erratically bumping into the sides of the tank. In fact it would often just "freak out" for no reason at all, swimming erratically bumping into the sides of the tank. We all kind of liked him regardless. I mean, how many people do you know who actually have a pet shark?

I used to sit and watch it sometimes. (Me and the cat) But lately I just waited for it to die. Horrible huh? I'm just so tired of the whole fish tank thing.

Don't get me wrong, I like fish, I really do. They taste good, especially with hushpuppies and a little lemon.

No really, there was a time when I really enjoyed watching it and I often think I'd like to have a nice full aquarium again. Then I wake up and remember how much work it really is. And here I am, an average person, and 8 years later, I've spent well over $1500.00 ( yes that's ONE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS) since some friggin' idiot gave my kid a goldfish in a bowl that started this horrible, endless cycle of bigger tanks and more fish. And now I'm praying that no one gives us any more pets.


(For those who are not in the know - here's the story - let it serve as a warning.)

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, an evil, horrible woman gave my child a lovely little goldfish in a bowl. It was cursed. I swear. It lasted 2 days until the fish died. The kid cried so we bought 2 more fish. They died too. The kid cried some more.

WE SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HERE. It makes a wonderful lesson about death. But NOOOOOOOO.... We figured they needed a tank with a pump. More oxygen was the key. We bought a small tank set-up and more fish. The fish died anyway. Are you surprised?

AGAIN - WE SHOULD HAVE STOPPED WITH THE WHOLE FISHY THING. But we already had the tank so we bought more fish. The fish died. Had we learned our lesson yet? No. We still had a perfectly good tank.


All but one fish died. Ahhhh. Finally. Something was working. Too well. One night, this fish had babies. A LOT OF BABIES..... (mom died, babies lived) So, what did we do? WE BOUGHT AN EVEN BIGGER TANK!

Can you see where this is going?

Years later and we've gone through several successively larger tanks and several lids and light set ups. Each tank needed gravel, a larger pump, replacement filters, other fish crap..... but that never kept the fish alive. (Oh, and how could I forget the murdering algae eater we once had which tortured and killed the other fish in the tank.) And every time they would die, we'd justify the purchase of new fish because we had already spent so much on the whole aquarium set up.


Until today. That's it. No more.

"I reckon we'll fare better than ye think, tho' we'll miss ye sore about the place."
The Crossing by Winston Churchill (not The Sir W. C.)


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