Wolves in sheep's clothing

A very good friend sent the following to me. It was in an email that had been forwarded NUMEROUS times. My message included the hundreds of emails of previous recipients and was really difficult to read with all those friggin' arrows and horrendous line breaks.

I've actually edited it to post here. It's a nice sentiment, but it's the very last line that really takes the cake.

GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU Everything that is going wrong in your life today shall be well with you this year. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year.

For the remaining months of this year (2007), all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. Today, God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows, and pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.

I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me... My child! What can I do for you? And I said, "Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message"... God smiled and answered... Request granted.

If you believe this message, send it to seven persons and the one who sent it to you.
By doing this you have succeeded in praying for eight people today.
If you do not forward, the prayer will stop.


That's right folks. If I do not forward this email GOD WILL NO LONGER BLESS AND PROTECT ME. Isn't that nice? Wait! There's more..... my agonies will return, I will be defeated and my future, unfavorable. AND all my sufferings, sorrows and pain will return. No longer will I be joyous but instead, faced with many hardships. FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.

Aren't these wonderful sentiments to be wished upon me for simply NOT forwarding this email? And GOD?!? wanted someone to tell this to me? Really!?!

What kind of asshole writes this sort of thing and then sends it to their good friends?

I love my friends and am honored they think of me but hate, hate, HATE getting this kind of crap.

If they actually liked me, they would cut, paste and edit this shit instead of just lazily clicking the FORWARD key and making me wade through all the useless parts of the message.

If they loved me, they would snip that "send this message to X# of people right away" part so I would get all of the blessings and none of the headaches or bad luck for not forwarding.

And if they really loved me, they would leave me out of the spam loop altogether and take me off their list.

Thank you so much for thinking of me.

With friends like this, who needs enemas.

Apropos. See synonyms for relevent.

Remember this post? A Little Lagniappe: Yeah, well, look at #2

The one where I took an on-line test to find out what pseudo-historical figure bests suits me. And I scored 100% as Dante Alighieri, author of "The Divine Comedy" which has been a source of inspiration for countless artists for over 700 years.

To recap my post and test scores, surprisingly, on the list were Jesus, Mother Theresa, Stephen Hawking and the King himself, Elvis (read that list imagining a heavenly choir of angels singing the most beautiful, awe inspiring song, reaching a crescendo upon reading each successive name culminating in an Alleluia chorus when the final name is read.....)

However, I more closely matched with some assholes such as O.J. Simpson, Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud and Charles Manson. And I mean that lovingly. Truly I do. Because of course, I am more suited to the assholes.

Anyhoo. I do have a point here. Although now, I am beginning to wish I'd never started writing THIS post..... but I digress. Again.

Today, someone left me a comment. A spam comment for sure. But here is Spammer Jack's remark. How apropos. A spam most appropriate to the topic as well as the title of my post that day ("Yeah, well, look at #2").

Jack wrote:
Thanks! That's really interesting information. Have you done any colon cleansing before? I'm wondering what are the pros and cons of the different products out there. I also wanting to get rid of all the intestinal parasites I may have.

Bwahahahahahaha.

That is so funny.

Too funny.

I really think I need to get out more often.