Monday, April 25, 2005

The Gospel According to Me

I once had an argument with a friend. Male. Duh. Whose thought process is/was obviously different. By different, I mean WRONG. Wait, let me rephrase this. It wasn't just one argument that we had as this particular topic was one of many about which we disagreed. But today it was pertinent.

I'd tell you why but it's on a need-to-know-basis. And if you have the need, you were there today and already know.

As do most people, during the course of an average conversation, I will impart some information. I will not divulge everything or bare my soul as I've found that many folks, men in particular, are on that need-to-know-basis and probably wouldn't understand or believe everything anyway. But unlike many other people, I do not, however, state untruths. Everything I say is wholly authentic and verifiable. I pride myself on my honesty.

Ok ok, tales of Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns and other traditional childhood whimsies notwithstanding, PRETTY MUCH everything else I say is wholly authentic and verifiable.

I am also aware that the average listener will often make certain assumptions about the information I impart. They may interpret the various statements I make in a way which while I do not intend, I do not always clarify. I am not responsible for the perceptions of others. Unless of course it is not favorable to me. Then we have to make sure it is crystal clear.

But this does not make my statements any less valid.

Similarly, in the course of a conversation, I might state several verifiable, albeit independent, facts. If the listener, in his mind, strings together these facts, he might presuppose that they are related. But in my mind, I'm just stating a series of facts. Again, I'm not responsible for the perceptions of others unless of course they are holding me in their highest regard and worshipping at my feet. Then, they need to bring gifts.

Truths, regardless of the order in which they are revealed, are ultimately still valid. I do not consider this lying. A lie is a fabrication, fiction, a falsehood.

But my aforementioned friend calls me dishonest, a liar. Even though I'm still articulating complete truths. His inadequacies in understanding the workings of the feminine mind drive me friggin' crazy but a liar I most definitely am NOT.

However, what makes me really nuts is his belief that anything other than spilling my guts also falls under the category of lying.

I'll concede that sometimes when I'm relating a story, I may omit some facts as, while my statements are no less accurate, I may find that it is not necessary to impart ALL facts about a particular situation. That need-to-know-basis again. Some things are just none of his friggin' business.

To me, lying is a sin of commission, not omission. He doesn't agree. He thinks that anything less than revealing all the nitpickin' details is lying. But he's a man, who gives a shit what he thinks. Ultimately, I'm the one that has to look at myself in the mirror. My conscience is clear. I can live with it.

"Raise your right hand. Do you agree to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"



Post a Comment

<< Home

As the owner of this blog, I assume no responsibility for any errors, or inaccuracies, in its content or judgement. I am not a doctor or lawyer, nor do I portray one on TV. Void where prohibited. Use only as directed. Batteries not included. Caution: May Be Hazardous to Your Health. Accessories sold separately. Not to be used by children under 3. May cause drowsiness. No animals were injured in the making of this website. Do not operate heavy machinery. No shirt, No shoes, No service. Do not overinflate. Stay back 300 feet. Recommended by 9 out of 10 dentists who chew gum. Caution: Makes wide turns. Keep out of reach of children. For external use only. Parental guidance suggested. Do not use during last three months of pregnancy. Objects may be smaller than they appear. Simulated picture. Sold for the prevention of disease only. Artificially flavored. All rights reserved. Not for human consumption. Stops at all railroad crossings. Contents under pressure. Best when used by expiration date. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. No smoking. Prices may vary. Configuration subject to change. Plus tax, title and license. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Monitor sold separately. Found to be only 99.9% effective as a contraceptive. Plus shipping and handling. Do not freeze. Your mileage may vary. Close cover before striking. Please rewind. Not used for purpose intended. Adults only. This tag is to be removed only by consumer. No carryouts. You agree to these Terms and Conditions by using this site. Available for a limited time only at participating locations. Not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Discontinue if redness or swelling occurs. Not animal tested. FDA approved. Unattended children will be given candy and a free puppy. Contents may settle during shipping. Stir occasionally. Do not discontinue use unless directed by your physician. Keep out. Do not use if seal is broken. For chronic continued constipation consult your doctor. Store at room temperature. Results may vary. Shake before using. Flammable. Patent pending. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Due to the graphic content, parental discretion is advised.