The Gospel According to Me

I once had an argument with a friend. Male. Duh. Whose thought process is/was obviously different. By different, I mean WRONG. Wait, let me rephrase this. It wasn't just one argument that we had as this particular topic was one of many about which we disagreed. But today it was pertinent.

I'd tell you why but it's on a need-to-know-basis. And if you have the need, you were there today and already know.

As do most people, during the course of an average conversation, I will impart some information. I will not divulge everything or bare my soul as I've found that many folks, men in particular, are on that need-to-know-basis and probably wouldn't understand or believe everything anyway. But unlike many other people, I do not, however, state untruths. Everything I say is wholly authentic and verifiable. I pride myself on my honesty.

Ok ok, tales of Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns and other traditional childhood whimsies notwithstanding, PRETTY MUCH everything else I say is wholly authentic and verifiable.

I am also aware that the average listener will often make certain assumptions about the information I impart. They may interpret the various statements I make in a way which while I do not intend, I do not always clarify. I am not responsible for the perceptions of others. Unless of course it is not favorable to me. Then we have to make sure it is crystal clear.

But this does not make my statements any less valid.

Similarly, in the course of a conversation, I might state several verifiable, albeit independent, facts. If the listener, in his mind, strings together these facts, he might presuppose that they are related. But in my mind, I'm just stating a series of facts. Again, I'm not responsible for the perceptions of others unless of course they are holding me in their highest regard and worshipping at my feet. Then, they need to bring gifts.

Truths, regardless of the order in which they are revealed, are ultimately still valid. I do not consider this lying. A lie is a fabrication, fiction, a falsehood.

But my aforementioned friend calls me dishonest, a liar. Even though I'm still articulating complete truths. His inadequacies in understanding the workings of the feminine mind drive me friggin' crazy but a liar I most definitely am NOT.

However, what makes me really nuts is his belief that anything other than spilling my guts also falls under the category of lying.

I'll concede that sometimes when I'm relating a story, I may omit some facts as, while my statements are no less accurate, I may find that it is not necessary to impart ALL facts about a particular situation. That need-to-know-basis again. Some things are just none of his friggin' business.

To me, lying is a sin of commission, not omission. He doesn't agree. He thinks that anything less than revealing all the nitpickin' details is lying. But he's a man, who gives a shit what he thinks. Ultimately, I'm the one that has to look at myself in the mirror. My conscience is clear. I can live with it.

"Raise your right hand. Do you agree to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

I DO.