You learn something new every day.

All I was doing was searching ebay for hand towels. HAND TOWELS. The kind of towels you dry your hands with after washing them thoroughly with soap and water. The kind you hang in your bathroom to look pretty and hope that your guests use instead of drying their hands on their clothes, or worse, your curtains.

I was just searching for hand towels. To help do my part in keeping my little corner of the world neat and clean. And this was included in the list of items from my search:



This is NOT a hand towel. "What is this?" I asked myself.

So I read the description and here it is as it was listed:

This Auction is for ONE Original Authentic Jamu Herbal Stick!!

Jamu Herbal Stick For Women Vagina It Really Does WORK!

We ship to the USA, UK, Germany, France, Mexico, Japan & Asia!

Please READ My Feedback to see the many satisfied users of the Jamu Herbal Stick! Tightens Vagina Instantly!!

Kill BV & Vaginal Odour Now!

These Jamu Sticks are the Authentic Ones. There are many fakes that sells on eBay. Please see from my feedback the thousands that have bought from me. How to know that these Jamu Sticks are the Authentic ones :

* Authentic Jamu Sticks are White in Color NOT Black Or Brown.
* Authentic Jamu Sticks comes in White Colored Box
* Athentic Jamu Sticks have ENGLISH manuals.
* Printed ENGLISH words Jamu Herbal Stick On the White Box.
* Authentic Jamu Sticks do not break easily.
* Those with Chinese Text on the Box/Manual are Fakes!

WTF? Why is this in my search for "hand towels"?

Not to mention - THESE ARE STICKS TO BE INSERTED INTO A WOMAN'S VAGINA AND THEY ARE CALLED JAM U

Jam YOU? Who invented this?

And what exactly is "BV"???? And don't you want to see the black or brown ones? And I certainly wouldn't want the ones which break easily.

Now, I've been a woman for, well, all my life. I've never heard of this product and I was pretty sure that after perusing the feminine hygiene product aisles at Wallyworld for years, I about had that covered.

So let's take a closer look at JAMU, shall we?



Look at the size of these things.

I am speechless.

We are supposed to do what? with them?

And then I notice in fine print at the bottom of the ad, this disclaimer:

Please note that the size of the Jamu Herbal Stick is as small as a standard index finger.

So what, are those a child's hands holding those sticks in the photo? They are much larger than her index fingers. Combined.

I had to read further. And in order to enlighten the rest of the general public, who, like me, have never heard of vaginal sticks such as this, allow me to include here the rest of the ebay listing description:

Many Women Suffer from White discharge, Vagina Odor
"loose" Vagina due to age or regular sex.

Here we have the most rapid-acting medicinal herbs from the Island of Madura. It is specially formulated for women who wants to develop their full potential. The composition of this wonderful medicinal herbs are made from traditional purest pharmaceutical quality herbs found only in the Madura Island.

(I've never heard of Madura Island either.)

This secret formula of Herbal Nature mixture is based on traditional herbs well-known to Madurese women over hundreds of years. This well-kept secret formula was perfected and carefully blended with newly discovered ingredients into high-potency formula to give the following positive effects to any women:

1. The Jamu Herbal Stick will stimulate and intensify mutual excitement during sex.

2. The Jamu Herbal Stick will eliminate vaginal "white discharges" (leucorrhoea) and banish vaginal odor.

3. The Jamu Herbal Stick will Relieve internal irritation in the vagina that causes discomfort.

4. Ideally suitable to be used by women who try to accomplish their full potential, because the medicinal herbs will reduce excessive liquid discharge substance in the vagina and to provide maximum sexual pleasure for both participants.

The Jamu Herbal Stick has been used hundreds of years by the women of Madura Islands. It is safe and very effective.

So now, are you wondering, as I am, how a woman actually uses these sticks? Because let me tell you, my imagination is running riot about now.

Here is a news write up about this popular product in Japan:

Housewives lather up to erotic herbal soap

(AHHHHH, so it is a SOAP?!?)

Thousands of Japanese OLs and housewives are stampeding to buy a suggestively shaped bar of soap said to improve their sex lives, according to Shukan Post (2/11).

(Suggestively shaped? The shape suggests a HUGE suppository to me, like the kind you'd use for a MAJOR yeast infection)

Jamu Herbal Stick, the herbal soap originating from Indonesia Madura Island, is selling like wildfire despite its comparatively hefty price of 4,800 yen (US$43.00) a bar, apparently because its effects on women's lustier liaisons are legendary.

(Did you see that - FORTY THREE FRIGGIN DOLLARS TO SHOVE A BAR OF SOAP UP YOUR HOOHA. A bar of soap they claim is no bigger than your index finger. Maybe I need to see the brown/black ones.)

"We've been importing Jamu Herbal Sticks and selling them over the Internet since 2003. Sales have been particularly good recently, shifting over 1,500 cakes a month," a spokesman for Tokyo-based Natural Plants, one of many Jamu Herbal Stick importers, tells Shukan Post.

"This soap was created from Jamu, a traditional Indonesian folk remedy that uses herbs. In Indonesia, they've passed on for generations the belief that Jamu eliminates the odor from female genitals, as well as makes the vaginal muscles tighter. It's said that Indonesian princesses of olden times used to use it when they wanted to get royalty to fall in love with them."

Jamu Herbal Sticks are, considering their intended use, conveniently shaped like a 12-centimeter long cigar, though Japan's top-selling weekly magazine says the resemblance is to a vibrator. The stick is supposed to be held firmly against the woman's nether regions for at least 15 seconds, which reportedly gives the herbs enough time to blend into the body and tone up the muscles.

Incidentally, Jamu Herbal Sticks are also reportedly effective against irritable bowels, as well as improve circulation. Japanese women who've used the saucy soap are more than happy with its effects.

"I used some without telling my hubby and even I was shocked by the wonderful change it brought about in me," a 34-year-old housewife tells Shukan Post. "Thanks to the soap, just recently it's been like we've become honeymooners all over again."

Even younger women are happier, as a 21-year-old OL attests. "Frankly speaking, sex with my boyfriend had been a little unsatisfying. But, after I started using this soap, the pleasure I got was raised to a new level," she says. "I feel closer to my boyfriend than ever before now and that's really satisfying."

"In Indonesia, jamu is used in conjunction with a variety of other herbs to concoct all manner of potions and balms. It has been created through knowledge built up over the long history of the Javanese people. It's still common to see jamu stores all over the place in Indonesian towns," Prof. Takahiro Shibuya of Fukuyama University tells Shukan Post. February 1, 2005

Direction How To Use :

• Cleanse hand and the private part. (One hand, one part only please)
• Relax.
• Insert 5~6 CM (2~2.5 INCHES) into the vagina slowly and let it remain for about 15~30 seconds . Then slowly release.
• When first use, try for a short time. Length of time may vary upon each individual. (Uh-huh)
  
• After several use , an individual may decide her best timing and frequency. (Again, Uh-huh)
• According to individual condition, when the vagina has discharge and odor, this process can be done every 3 days or a week, last up to 1 month.
• Rinse well.

NOTE : #After regular usage, some white discharge may occur. This is Jamu effect . Jamu elements cleanse the vagina. This symptom will disappear meanwhile after several usage.

(Some white discharge may occur..... this is probably soapy foam. Go figure. You shove a regular bar of soap in and out of a "private part" and see if it doesn't foam and bubble as well.)

#The stick contains fresh herb element. Please use up within 6 months.
#Rinse well after use.
#Decide the using time and frequency according to the individual conditions.
#Stop using during the menstrual or gestation period. Inhibit to the person who has sexually transmitted diseases.

HUH? I think at this point I am just overwhelmed or perhaps stunned at what I've read.

How To Keep : Rinse under running water, and dry with clean towel. Protect from sunlight, and store at well ventilated and dry places.

Oh Oh Oh - there's the "Towel" that included this in my ebay search.

But now I have to know more.... so I search specifically for JAMU STICKS. And I find this:



This must be one of the brown/black ones we've been warned about. And you know what they say. "once you go black....."

So now I read this listing:

1. Prior to use, make yourself comfortable physically as well as mentally (cleanse yourself, put on some perfume and keep yourself calm)

(KEEP YOURSELF CALM?????)

2. Ensure that your vagina is dry

3. Carefully insert the Jamu stick into your vagina for 1 to 2 minutes,

4. Remove it slowly by gently moving it to the left and right because its reaction may cause it to be slightly adhered to your vaginal wall.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? Slightly adhered???? What do they mean by that? It sticks to your insides, like your tongue to a piece of steel on a cold winter's day?

5. Clean the stick under running water for the next use (do not use soap)

(I thought this was "soap".)

6. Leave it to dry vertically in a clean place for subsequent use

7. Keep away from children

8. To treat white and excessive discharge, unpleasant odor and itchiness, use 3-4 times daily until the problem(s) is(are) resolved .

9. To heighten sexual sensation, use the Jamu stick just before intercourse.

And then they add this:

1.Since the stick contains natural herb and plant based formulation, the size and color will change slightly after each cleansing. The estimated total number of times you can use the stick is 150 times.

2.after cleansing under running water, it must be left to dry vertically without sponging the stick dry as it has moisture absorption properties.

3. The Jamu stick is made of high quality natural herbs and plants which are cooked and processed meticulously resulting in maximum efficacy, proven for generations . It is manufactured in by a Good Manufacturing Practice (GMP) compliant laboratory.

4. The Jamu stick is specifically formulated for women. It is for external use only and should not to be taken orally.

5. Besides treating white discharge, absorbing excessive discharge and eliminating unpleasant odor from the vaginal area, the Jamu stick also treats itchiness in the vaginal region, tightens vaginal muscles which has slackened as a result of multiple child births as well as heightens sexual sensation during intercourse.

6. If you experience any pain or unpleasant feeling after a few uses or after intercourse, discontinue using the stick to allow the vagina to acclimatize to the stick. This is a result of the vaginal walls becoming stronger, tighter and drier due to the treatment provided by the Jamu stick.

7. Jamu stick looks hard externally when it is dry, but is actually cool, soft and smooth once inserted and hence, will not cause any damage.

8. For women who do not suffer from the above symptoms, they may use it 2-3 times a month as a prevention measure and for health care.

9. The Jamu stick is pure, effective and safe. Use it without worry as it has been trusted and used for generations over.


So class, we've found a little lagniappe today in our search for cleanliness aides. And it doesn't hurt that it helps tighten and tone at the same time. I feel so much better now. Don't you?